There are times that Instagram does need a Judge. I vote for Judge Dredd, you know bringing back the classics. Or maybe Jim Carrey? “THE PEN IS BLUE.” Either way things would get blown up or we would end up laughing our asses off.

 

**Just going to take a side note here, if you don’t know what Judge Dredd is or if you haven’t seen Liar Liar, then we cannot be friends. They are the pinnacle of films and need to be love and appreciated.   

 

*extremely girly voice while twirling hair* But why do we need a judge on Instagram? Is it necessary? Can’t we all just get along?

 

*evil laugh* Oh honey you cute little thing, sit down with a cookie and let me fill you in.

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I love it when people share their opinions, I welcome it. I crave it. I stand in the back of the auditorium with a camera filming that shit and dancing in the isle, I just won’t be caught dead in a pink jumpsuit because I value my sanity and I think I’m cooler then Regina George’s mum. Regardless I would cheer you on because everyone is entitled to an opinion. It is your voice and you shouldn’t be silenced, unless you become a poopoo head and don’t know the difference between having an opinion and being rude.

 

Is there a difference? Yes you little bouncy Chihuahua, there is. Just don’t let a crow pick your little Chihuahua ass up and fly you to an unknown destination while I smack my 2 cents on the counter.

 

Think of it like a parking space. If you park in between the lines, be polite and voice your opinions without offending anyone, then that is completely fine. But if you want to be that moron driver that takes up two car spots, then be prepared to have an offence note left on your windshield. (What… I like leaving rude notes) The only person who is allowed to be that entitled to park in two car spots is Keanu Reeves, because he is fucking Keanu Reeves, need I say more?

 

If you believe that someone has double parked, then tell them. Most of the time they might be wrapped up in their little bubble of self-loving that they might not even realise what they have said or done is wrong. I encourage you to never be afraid to tell someone that there was a line, they crossed it and you are offended. People do need to be pulled up on their shit.

 

You would never walk past a homeless dog without offering it food.

 

You would never walk past a lost child without offering to help.

 

You would never walk past a free lollie at a reception desk.

 

So don’t walk past someone being rude.

 

 

Now this might just be me. I know I have a loud voice. Even the elderly couple down the road know that I have loud voice.

I am not afraid to pull people up on their shit and honestly I would want the same in return.

“Blue – You are such a bitch!”

“Yeah man I know. My mumma tells me all the time I need to work on my people skills.”

 

Where is this magical line you may ask? Well you remember Charlie? You know how he went to Candy Mountain? Well the line is pretty obviously not on Candy Mountain.

The line is where you offend someone. And the easiest way to determine where the line has been drawn is by saying it to a human, or even to yourself.

 

There are obviously the obvious factors to include like race, gender and sexuality but it can even come down to descriptive words.

 

Let’s use the word ‘fat’ because this is what sparked this whole rant for me.

 

If a stranger come up to on the street and said “heyyy fatty” and you got offended then try not to use that as a term and try to promote it as a ‘positive’ thing. If it wasn’t positive when a stranger yelled it at your face, how is it going to be positive on social media? Social media doesn’t yell shit to your face, it disguises itself as a face aging app and then the Russians know where you live.

 

Reacting personally to the term ‘fat,’ I can EASILY see why people get offended by this word. Not that long ago, I was that ‘fat’ person and you get called that name all the time, you are self-conscious about taking up more of the seat than anyone else. You are worried about clothes not fitting. You are constantly worried about how you look. The insecurities that bath in the blood of the ‘fat’ word are endless. So when someone tries to make it positive, it isn’t going to sit well.

 

Words can have both negative and positive reactions to different people and half the time we may not know which way a word may be taken by the reader, it may come down to a guessing game.

For instance, I use the word ‘gay’ a lot. It’s a real aussie word to use in most ways. And we all know that aussie just make up words and things don’t have the same meaning here as it does around the rest of the world. Heard of ‘yeah nah’ and ‘nah yeah’??? That shits fun, for aussies, everyone else kinda suffers.

Anyway:

Co-worker: “The boss wants you stay back and finish that report.”

Me: *blows depressing bubbles in my coffee* “gayyyyy”

 

Personally to me I don’t find that word a negative. I voted ‘yes’ for gay marriage, I have hung the pride flag from my veranda and I haven’t been known to have a ‘straight’ love life.

 

BUTTTT – If I used it in a context that would have been normal to me like a vegemite and cheese toastie on a rainy day and didn’t realise that I offended someone online by the use of that word and was pulled up on it. I would remove the content that it was used in.

 

Which brings me to the next goal kicker of the event, if someone has asked you to politely remove something because it offended them, stop and think about it. *elevator music* If you sat there thinking of reasons and excuses why they should not be offended instead of really apologising and acknowledging what you did. You are officially double parked and not the double parked as in a drink in each hand parked, more the: you don’t know how to park your vehicle in between the lines, double parked. One’s fun and one makes you an idiot.

At some point you have to realise that people don’t see your life, they don’t know who you are and what message you may be bringing to the table.

 

Take Vegemite as a prime example…. I’m hungry okayyyyy… I need food… *cough* Vegemite. Aussies love it. Everyone from around the world feels like the black tar is a lifeless form that will suck their eyes out through their mouth. Realistically, aussie’s know you don’t eat that shit off a spoon, you put a very thin layer of vegemite on toast that is already soaked in butter. But only the aussie seem to know that, and unless a non aussie lived here and realised, they wouldn’t know. How would you expect someone to know the message (food related or not) you are bringing to the table without knowing who you are?

 

And I know, I know, there are sensitive people out there and there are the over dramatic bitches with saggy tits that need more to do with their life, instead they complain that you use the wrong ‘there’ and they are HIGHLY offended. We have all seen the facebook memes, their name is probably Karen and they have short hair and want to speak to the manager of this establishment. Don’t worry about the Karen’s, worry about the words you use.

 

Words have meaning. Words have power. Words are hurtful. Words are dismissive.

Words can kill, and they do all the time.

Words hurt people, and they leave them with visible scars.

Words can make people doubt there existence.

Words can make people take their own lives.

 

Be careful with your words, you cannot apologise to a corpse.

 

On a less morbid note, did you know I wanted to be a medical examiner? I always thought it would be fun to prank co-workers by moving the bodies while they weren’t looking and make creepy noises. Apparently playing with dead bodies is weirder then playing with your food.

And I didn’t mean play like as in …. Ahhh touching … bits…

I mean like …. Making ghosts sounds

Not playing playing…. But normal playing…

…fuck….

Oh Satan’s asshole that escalated quickly. Next thing you know your local news paper’s headline is “Local blue haired girl caught playing with dead bodies”

Mumma’s gotta be proud at that.

 

Back to point-

See this is where a judge would be helpful. They could pop up like a brightly coloured add. “By posting this you may cross the line.” See helpful pop ups!!

 

Let’s get to the moral clearing of this post. Let’s sort through the rambles and dive to the freedom of the point.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion.

If you offend someone, deal with that politely and like an adult.

Don’t be scared to pull people up on their rude bullshit.

Don’t play with dead bodies.

Words have a stronger impact then what you may realise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                    

 

 

 

Here is one of those things that apparently I need to put at the end of a rant because the Karen’s of the world hate me.

No I’m not blaming the Russian’s for spying on you and no I’m not helping them… they got upset with me because I don’t drink vodka anymore…

I know a Karen and she is cool. The Karen’s mention in this rant refer to the facebook meme. Blame the meme not me.

My rants are not written to target anyone, even if you feel like they are. I rant is about general things and use examples based on life experience or things I have seen.

Again if you feel offended by rants, let me know. If you were groused out about the dead bodies part, well I guess you haven’t met me in person then have you?