Good morning. Good afternoon or good whatever the hell time it is where you currently are.
Today I present another rant. The idea behind this rant was suggested to me by a book friend and it’s something I actually tend to agree with. And that is the drama of a female still being a virgin in YA books and is it really that much of an awesome idea?
Get your chai lattes ladies and gentlemen because I’m going to break this down into a few points and maybe doodle a picture of a cat while I think of subtle words to use then the foul language that exists in my brain. Which will be fucking hard FYI!
Basically the answer is no. Having a female virgin character does not make the readers give the book an automatic five stars because they have read about a virgin. “Omg a virgin, the rest of the book was poorly written but we have a virgin. Let’s 5 star this book on goodreads!” Just to clarify nobody in all human history says this. None. Nope. No one!
It also doesn’t add to the quality of the book. Nope. Adds nothing. Maybe think of something more interesting? Like a leading lady that shoots fire out of her eyes every time she sneezes. Now that would be more dramatic and interesting then a virgin. Literally everyone that usually stands nearby to say ‘bless you’ would have no eyebrows or would be burnt to a crisp, like a vampire in sunlight. Poof! Bitches be burnt.
*cough* Anyway….
What is the whole deal about having a virgin character anyway? Does it make her pure? Does it mean she lays a golden egg that giants will climb down beanstalks to steal her virgin purified eggs? Honestly though what is the big fucking deal about this? And why does every second book need to have a female virgin in it anyway?
Is the intent behind having a female virgin to make the character seem more pure? Because if it is, would that mean that the other characters that have had sex are now going to hell because they are unpure, just because they have loved or been loved? And do the unpure characters now need to have a little lady walking behind them, ringing a bell and yelling “SHAME!”? But honestly wouldn’t a character that has a pure heart that strives to free her people, or kill the villain, be far more entertaining than a female virgin? After all what does the virgin have to contribute besides an untouched vagina? Nothing. Because we literally have just an untouched and unsatisfied vagina. Nothing magical, nothing futuristic, just a plain vagina that hasn’t experienced life yet.
To be fair, the only time that female virgins would be interesting in a story, is if Satan was rounding them up and making them part of his army that will eventually take over and enslave the world. (Coming to a bookstore near you 2023)
Another aspect of this that kills me is that maybe 95% of YA books that feature a virgin are FEMALE! First of authors, sit your ass down and listen. Us females can go out and pick up a dude just as fucking good as a man picks up a chick, so we are not all the visionary virgins that you thought we were. And secondly get that sexist notion out of your brain. No seriously, want me to slap it out?
Key note if you are writing a book do me a favour and swap the characters genders around in your mind. And if there is something odd about what you have written after you have swapped the genders, then you may need to rethink your work.
For instance:
Men can knit, look after the house and feed their children just as well as a female can. Females can hunt and defend themselves just as well as a man can. (obviously to some degree and also depends on the character but you get my drift)
Obviously if your aim is to have a small innocent young lady be saved by a daring man then that’s fine. You switch the roles around and a fierce young woman saves a man. This still works.
If it seems normal to you then by all means keep writing. If that doesn’t seem normal then you get where I am going with this right? Why is it soo bloody weird to have a virgin male but so normal to have a female virgin? Literally think about it. How many books have you read where there is a virgin male character and they make a bloody big hoot about it??? Yeah not many at all. But there are about as many YA female virgins as there are fish in the ocean.
After all, us females do nothing but wait for that perfect man to enter our lives, deflower us in a romantic candle lit night and we plan to live the rest of our lives- *vomit* sorry too sickly romantic for me to continue but seriously who thinks this way anymore? We aren’t in the middle ages and being a virgin isn’t something to add values to characters.
We don’t wait for no man. We never will. We females can go out and get some if we want. Oh and hunny, trust me, if we have the aim to get some, then we fucking gets some!
(Side note: If your mind automatically thought ‘slut or whore’ about females going out and satisfying their own needs, then you are part of the major problem we have in society. SHAME. *rings bell* Stone this nay sayer!)
Obviously my rant is based on characters not on the human virgins and in saying that there is nothing wrong with being a human virgin but there is something wrong with nearly every YA book depicting a female in that light.
And setting the record fucking straighter then the spine on a bible, the first time is nowhere near as magical as books describe it!! I mean if your first time was awesome, I’d probably give you a high five. But when I sit around with my female friends, chugging back a beer by a bonfire we never talk about how it was romantic, sensual and wonderful. Honestly the first time conversation includes elbows to the head, accidental hair pulling, jack rabbiting, star fish and many more odd and (fucking hilarious) uncomfortable terms.
Reading a YA female virgin finally getting her jiggy on in books makes me roll my eyes and want to email the author a descriptive real life de-virgining experience and how awkward that shit is. Imagine, stepping in dog shit in front of your ex – awkward. Walking into a closed glass door in front of a room full of people – awkward. Accidently peeing yourself when you partner things it is a good idea to dress up as Pennywise and chasing you around the house screaming: “you’ll float too!!”- really fucking awkward. See, all that awkwardness is stuff you want to forget and never mention until you have had a few beers, and your first time is exactly the same.
There are no sparks. No love. No fairy godmother throwing you a high-five over the dudes shoulder, nothing like that at all. Literally the pumpkin carriage began to mould, shrivel up and fucking hide from seeing the first awkward encounter of the virgin-ites!
Now while I write this a few of you may be thinking, that may be the authors intent for the younger audience of the YA world, to promote characters (mostly female*eyeroll*) to be virgins and to savour themselves. Which is cool as a hippie seeing Pete the magic dragon while being a special weed high, I get that. I’m more focusing my attention on the YA books as a general field. Why are there generally more virgins out there then the ‘un-pure’? And why the fucking beaver damn are there so many female virgins out there in the YA book world?
Literally the fact that most virgins are females fucking kills me. Do male writers sit there are rub their hands together while they write about a female virgin? Is it some wet sock dream that they have at night? Or do they really think that virgins have a special golden egg laying power?
And for the female writers, is it because you imagine your first time being more romantic then what it actually was?
Come on ladies, you have been there, done that and laughed about it with your friends over coffees, with your hands gesturing really small sizes about.. ummm … elephant trunks. Yes, elephant trunk sizes, cause that’s better than writing DICK on a public forum… actually who am I kidding. Dick is like my go to word when speaking to someone. Y’all getting this dick?
Wrapping this bitch up, please don’t think that female virgins are the jam, cause they ain’t! It is a very unnecessary character description that is hyped up for no apparent reason. Virgins don’t have super powers. Virgins aren’t closer to god. Drinking a virgins blood with no make you glow in the fucking dark. If you have to bring up the fact about if a female character is a virgin or not, justify it with the story, like satan rounding up the virgins for a flawless army. Don’t have a female character that gets swept off her feet by a charming young man and they have an incredible night and yadda yadda yadda. Cause that shit ain’t the truth or it ain’t necessary. Bottom line: Be FUCKING REALISTIC!
Please keep in mind that this rant is purely my opinion and my opinion alone. This opinion is based on book character virgin’s not real life human virgins. There are dating apps, meets sexy singles and grinder that will be more something you may want to look up, or high-five you cute little virgin you. Also note that the person pictured is not a virgin – she is just really fucking special with a mouth of a sailor. If you are offended by my opinion, please feel free to email me at iactuallydontcare@dontemailme.com.au